Bastards in the North (The Blossom Song)

If you go wandering in our kilt-infested streets
You may receive a friendly wave from everyone you meet
These are exceptions that prove the rule
Really we're just planning to deport you southern fools

Better stay inside and don't go out, friend
If you do, your illusions may come to an end
I love those words that are coming from your mouth
But there's just as many bastards in the north
As in the south

You may have heard our tartan doors are never locked
But in the hallways shotguns sit, they're loaded and they're cocked
For the most part we are polite
Secretly we're planning to provoke you into flight

And there are places no visitor should walk
We'll kill and eat you if we hear the southern way you talk
Unless of course you are prepared to pay
Just give us lots of money and quickly go away

And if you settle here, if you think we're nice
If you buy a burnt out cottage at the incomer's price
Maybe you've seen that film, The Wicker Man?
The person who was in that house before you understands

Bettter stay inside and don't go out friend
If you do your illusions may come to an end
I love those words that are coming from your mouth
But there's just as many bastards in the north
As in the south